In just a few short weeks, our life have been turned upside down!
Let me start with a quick surgery update. Things are going really good. I was officially released from my surgeon a couple of weeks ago. Physically, I am feeling so much better - like better than I did prior to surgery - praise the Lord! Emotionally, I still have days that I struggle with feelings of grief and loss, but those days are not as often as they were a few weeks ago, and the emotions is not as overwhelming. I realize that I will go through waves of emotions that can be triggered by just about anything. However, for today, I claim victory and thank God for his mercy and grace!
A couple of weeks after my last blog post, I was really struggling.I could almost physically feel my entire family under spiritual attack - from every possible direction. If you don't know it already, I can assure you that Satan wants to kill families. He truly is, as 1 Peter 5:8 says, Satan is "a roaring lion, walking about, seeking whom he may devour". He wants you, your spouse, your kids, and your marriage. It was a hard moment when Jarred and I realized how unprepared our family was for those attacks.
I am so thankful for godly influences in my life - people who love me and tell me the truth of God's Word (even when I'm rebellious to it). It was at that moment a couple of weeks after my last blog post - when I felt like I was literally at rock bottom (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually) - that God used one of those godly influences and He did a work in me. A precious friend read scripture over me and trusted God to change my hardened, rebellious heart into a soft, repentant one - and God did! I finally recognized that I had allowed my priorities to get out of order. I definitely didn't have God first, and I was putting other things before my husband and children. They needed me, and I had let them down. It was devastating to come to that realization, but it was necessary. Speaking of that realization - I think there is some TV show called "Snapped" about people who "snap" and then murder somebody. I have to say, it was a little bit like that -haha! But for real - it was like blinders fell off my eyes and I snapped awake - like I haven't been awake in several years. I confessed my sin to the Lord and to Jarred and since then it's been a whirlwind of change.
Jarred and I had been talking for several months about me staying home with the kids, but neither of us had clarity or peace about pulling the trigger. After my "come to Jesus" moment, I truly had clarity and peace. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was telling me to stay home. It was similar to the clarity I had when we adopted - I KNOW God told me "this is My plan for you". I also realized that God had been telling me to stay home for months, but fear and pride had led to disobedience. Well then Mama hen reared her head - in the days following, I felt such a strong desire/urge to gather my little chickies under my wings so I could protect them, weather the storm, and help stabilize our family. Jarred and I talked, and we both overwhelmingly felt the same way - God gave us both the clarity and peace, and I'm so thankful for that.
I truly enjoyed working with my dad and selling insurance, so to be honest quitting my job was gut-wrenching, emotional, hard, and super painful (for me and my dad). As difficult as it was though, I know it was right because God gave Jarred and I such clear direction and peace. He has confirmed it multiple times since making the decision, and I know God will provide for my dad.
Thus, the transition to a one-income family begins - lol. A total budget overhaul happened - learning to live within our means, sacrificing things we've been enjoying, eating some very un-tasty crow, and getting seriously humble about where we are and the mistakes we've made financially. It has not been easy, but I know it will be worth it. I am so encouraged and excited that we (for the first time since the kids were born) have a plan for a balanced budget. God has always been faithful to provide, and he's confirmed it to us even recently that he will continue to take care of us. Ya'll, He is so good and so faithful!
Lastly, Jarred & I decided that I will home-school Selah & Judah this year. I have to be perfectly honest, I am terrified - haha! As in, I have a history of staying home with them and ending up in the fetal position crying by the end of the day (literally - I'm not joking). BUT, I am also excited . I have always liked the idea of teaching and even flirted with the idea of early childhood education when I was in high school and college.
Funny story break... I used to "teach" my younger brother and sister when we were kids. I'm 1 year older than my brother and 3 years older than my sister, so you can imagine the "teaching" I did. I vividly remember making them sit down in front of our little play chalkboard and lecturing them like we were at school. I'm also pretty sure they hated it, and I threatened them with bodily harm if they got up - but none-the-less, it is a funny story.
So with Selah & Judah, I am just going to do my best this year and not put a lot of pressure on myself or them (they're 3 years old for crying out loud). I think it will give us some structure and routine we are needing, and hopefully they'll learn a little something. And I think I will truly enjoy preparing and planning - that's kinda my happy place. Then we'll re-evaluate next year. No pressure or stress - that's my motto this year regarding home school.
So that's a little update and insight into our Crazy Wonderful Summey Life. I am so excited for the changes I see happening - and for how I see God working through all of it. I truly cannot wait to see what is on the horizon! I haven't been this excited, motivated, encouraged, and... HAPPY for a long time. I think I got into a major funk after the kids were born, and I kinda lost myself a little bit. But BETH IS COMING BACK - consider yourself warned haha!
